Thursday, July 9, 2009
Bad Invention Vs. Good Invention
In a Karamastic world we would never have allowed car companies to invent the automatic seat belt. Do you remember the first time you jumped into a car and then it happened.. that's right the unthinkable? The moment where you thought you were an adult or in my case close to an adult (or pretended to be) and then just like that the automatic electronic seat belt was locking you in. Hmm this is interesting I didn't think I was at six flags. Is some creepy looking dude going to come and tug at my belt to "make sure" this seat belt is secure before I start my 70mph ride? No he isn't because you are in a fucking car. My first set of wheels was a mafia Fleetwood edition 80's limo but then came my sweet 94' Saturn and yes it had the automatic seat belt. Every time I would sit my Catholic school girl ass into that aqua colored clown car I remember the 8 seconds of torture where that stoooopid shoulder belt would slide on down the tracks and I would do a mini Jim Carey-esq freak out session. What saved me was either a Smiths CD or a really shitty Rusted Root/Ben Harper mix that an ex boyfriend made me. Either way I was thrilled and entertained when I sold that car to a guy who loved the idea of an automatic seat belt. What an idiot.
On the other hand why can't we get more of the 25cent self-cleaning city public toilets they teased us with in Boston (circa 2001). Rumor has it the great Mayor Thomas Menino (you know the guy with the terrible lisp and the trashy Boston accent) was walking in SF and saw how amazing the city toilets were and wanted to make this entity possible to the great people of Boston. Six city toilets and $180,000 later we had them. My favorite city toilet was the one near the BPL (Boston Public Library) on Boylston. It lays smack in the middle of the sidewalk which makes it ever so uncomfortable when you exit the city toilet. First of all they look like a spaceship and who doesn't want to shit in a spaceship. Second you pay a measly 25cents for an HOUR. That's right you heard me 60mins of private bathroom time! Third you don't have to touch anything... TP, soap, water, air is all activated by motion. FOURTH after you exit it does a full cleaning bleach session where the entire unit is cleaned top to bottom. The only negative is that they reek like a YMCA pool but if you have been in the Venice Beach public bathrooms (where I am convinced prisoners and elepants on acid are brought at night) I think a little Clorox is fine.
Moral: AUTOMATIC SEAT BELTS LAME
AUTOMATIC CITY TOILETS INCREDIBLE