Tuesday, July 14, 2009

The funeral worker that always wanted to be a Magician OR Another Classic Southern Tale of Stupidity

Just like most people after a exciting weekend to get back into the swing of things I sat down to check my e-mail. Occasionally on my e-mail website I will view the news headlines to see if something interesting is happening in this place we call world. It's pathetic that my news source typically consists of Comedy Central's The Daily Show, People Magazine, bostondirtdogs.com and Pitchfork.com. I figure they cover the basics that at least I am interested in. HOWEVA today AOL won me over with the headline: FUNERAL HOME SHUT AFTER BODY'S LEGS CUT. Oh yeah it gets good. In South Carolina a funeral home worker cut a man's legs because he was too "tall" to fit in the casket. "Welcome to South Carolina, If you're too tall and you die we cut your fucking legs off!" I really think that should be the new state motto on the Welcome sign when you enter SC. Sure it might be detrimental to the tourism for Myrtle Beach but I also think it would keep all the tall people that sit in front of you at the movies out of SC. It's a win-win situation South Carolina.. think about it.

How tall was this poor guy? A whooping 6 feet and 7 inches! Are you kidding me? No I am not. To make the story even more intriguing (like you really need to) the victim was an albino black guy that produced several funk hits in the 70's. He could have been that cool albino black 70's soul funk guitarist that produced some hit but NO now he will always be the guy that got his legs cut off to fit in the casket. I still shake my head in disbelief that instead of finding a proper casket (because I know they got to be out there I mean people over 6 feet do die right?) someone looked at an electric saw and thought, "hmm now that's a good idea"

Here's the ICING ON THE CAKE and I don't even like icing, NO ONE NOTICED! An open casket and no one notices that they are staring at just a head and a torso. I understand grieving and how funerals can be so surreal but come on. Thank GOD I wasn't there because knowing my loud ass it wouldn't take long for me to say, "WHOA WHERE ARE THIS GUY'S LEGS?" and that could make for an awkward funeral reception.

If you want to read this article go ahead (http://news.aol.com/article/corpses-legs-cut/571659) but it's best fitting to just laugh at how stupid and yet how funny funeral workers can be. Also it proves that cremation is so the way or just don't die in South.

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