Sunday, July 26, 2009

Leash Law Enforcement!

Sunday. Noon. You just woke up and glanced outside. YES! Another perfect sunny California beach day. Grab a towel, sunglasses, that book you've been waiting to read, maybe stop by and pick up a refreshing smoothie. What the heck, splurge a little and even pick up the latest fashion magazine. It's your day off and you are envisioning that moment where you sit your ass down, take a deep breath, and hope the sun seeps the alcohol out from the night before.

Whoa! Prime parking at the beach. Things are looking up. Just like a cougar you eye out your beach spot and prance on it, lay out your towel, maybe even urinate around it to mark your territory.

Ah, ah, ah. THE LIFE. You made it. It's time to relax and unwind right? WRONG!

Then it happens..... KIDS! LOTS OF THEM! Screaming, yelling, not understanding that sand doesn't feel good when kicked in your face. PANIC. Look around to see where these hellions came from. To your right you have frat boy central jamming out to horrible top 40 tunes. One of them won't stop talking about how he "almost" landed a girl at da club last night. You "almost" felt compelled to inform him that it may be his annoying voice or his tribal arm band tattoo but you have other things on my mind, like someone get these kids on crack out of my beach zone. MOM BUTT SPOTTED! There she is with beach toys surrounding her. OBSERVE. She doesn't even notice that what came out of her womb is now destroying what could have been a tranquil day at the beach. She is IMMUNE to the high pitch whine. How do you put an end to this travesty?

Solution: Kid Leashes!

A once disturbing thought should now be enforced by the law. Dog owners have to do it. Why shouldn't parents of disruptive children have to? They could even make kid leashes cool, like waterproof, glow in the dark, or designer kid leashes for the materialistic image conscious parent! Kids could pick out their own leash and brag about it at preschool. In the future I see a big business investment in kid leashes but most importantly I see lots of beach goers smile as they walk past a kid who is about to take his shovel and spray sand then just like that one tug on the leash and you are saved from disaster.

Keep an eye out for the new leash law signs at a beach near you!

1 comment: